Stephy’s blog……

BUAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

yup yup.. i’m leaving.. this blog … lol.. cuz.. i want to.. better it seems.. so.. yea..new blog add is
http://sheneedssomerest.blogspot.com

so buhbye…

Man… 3 weeks .. GONE.. just like that..
Can’t imagine the next semester coming in like ONE DAY… Well..any how… things have been great this holz…went shopping… like CRAZZZZZZZZZZZY… lol… see my profile picture?? i bought that shirt.. and yea.. if i have the time.. i’m going to upload the pics of the things i bought.. LOL… my closet is soooooooo going down… and paper bags from places like little black book, cats whiskers and forever 21 are piling up in the drawer under my bed.. woo hoo!!! this feels soooo good.. and that’s not it..

I’ve been going flower crazy these days!! haha.. nice people give me flowers.. soo.. yea.. my room looks happier… among the yellowish stuff (my walls and my curtains and my sheets) i have faint pink flowers .. happy right??

oh.. not forgetting my penang trip… haha…i went there with three eating machines… they eat like… monsters… seriously… I on the other hand… haha.. gotta keep track on my weight.. like i always say.. i need to lose till i reach 45.. so yea.. i get to be the wet blanket.. LOL.. each bite they take.. i’ll make noise bout calories.. cholesterol.. fats… weight.. health… carcinogens.. (uh hum.. i uphold my biomedical principles well.. lol… nah.. i just wanna annoy these people).. but ya.. was great.. but things weren’t just pure heaven there.. EVERYONE THERE SPEAKS HOKKIEN… AHHH.. makes me feel like an alien.. i didn’t have the capability to order my own food.. :-S …well.. except for the time i was in dave’s deli in gurney plaza or something…

So yea… that’s practically all i did during the holz…not so much.. CUZ I DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME… i need more time… hehe… i can never get enough … like DUHHH…

oh by the way.. my results not out yet.. shud be tomorrow or the day after.. not much hope for this semester.. say bye bye to 4.0… say bye bye… SIGHHHHHHHH…

don’t care.. i still have 25 hours till holz end.. and i’m not going to sit here any longer to blabber crap to you people.. lol… i’m going to have fun.. WOO HOO!!!!!

God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.

I find this really meaningful.. so ya.. hope to share this with people..

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago

Hoping I would find true love

along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn’t see how every sign

pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream

Lead me to where you are

Others who broke my heart

They were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way

Into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

yes he did

I think about the years I spent

just passing through

 
I’d like to have the time I lost

and give it back to you

but you just smile and take my hand

You been there, you understand

It’s all part of a grander plan

that is coming true.

Every long lost dream

Lead me to where you are

Others who broke my heart

They were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way

Into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you.

yah

Now I’m just rolling home

into my lovers arms

this much i know is true

that God blessed the broken road

that led me straight to you

That god blessed the broken road

that led me straight to you

when no more healing can be done..
when challenges can no longer be pacified…
when faith is lost…
it has reached the end..

when all tears are dried..
when all hopes are lost..
you just have to know..
it has reached the end..

your heart may break..
your soul may lose its way..
your pain may be unbearable..
but you should know better…
it was not meant to be..

hopes of an everlasting fairytale may not come true..
but all will be better…
if you put on a smile..
a smile that tells the people you’re not weak..
a smile that hides your sorrow..
a smile that shows nobody your pain inside..
a smile that brings joy to others..

there are countless things waiting for you to complete..
one matter cannot bring you down..
you will have to survive it all..
and show the world you’re not that weak after all..

all you need is time..
wounds will heal and everything will be fine..

    Man.. these days are really tough for me.. TESTS, ASSIGNMENTS, REPORTS, AND TUTORIALS.. There isn’t a day where I can say that I am NOT THAT BUSY… Every day there is an agenda, every moment there is something to do.. My stress level is so bad.. that i wake up in the middle of the night, thinking that i have something to do… I am getting horrible migraines and most of all, I am feeling super fatigue.. obviously.. i get grumpier, moodier and i get frustrated easily…

    But somehow… amidst all these nonsensical stuff.. I am glad that I have people that are willing to listen to me whine and crap bout the bad times.. One in particular.. Although it’s about 1 am his time.. he would take the time to listen to me.. Sleepy or not.. he will make sure he talks to me everyday.. doesn’t matter whether it’s a minute or two.. The effort.. really counts..

    Secondly… i totally appreciate my FRIENDS ..when i mean FRIENDS.. i mean the real ones.. not those who want to bring you down or talk bad about you behind your back thinking that you’re a bloody retard, not knowing what they’re up to…ok.. i digressed…. back to my friends.. i have a couple of them who can make me laugh real hard.. which is really good… these people keep my sanity intact… For example, today .. i laughed so hard bout some stupid joke.. i was in tears.. lol.. amazing.. Thus, amidst the bad times.. I am glad I have people around me who can support me morally…

    I am sad for those people who insist on sticking to their "CLANS" and "GANGS"… if they just open up their minds.. and try to get through the hard times together.. with laughter and joy.. uni life won’t be that bad… despite the stress.. haha… note: selfish and self-centered people DO NOT have fun…

    To me.. like the saying goes.. in every dark cloud.. there is a silver lining… although i am super dying now due to the testSSSS… i am glad.. i am having the nicest people around me.. especially ONE really special one.. love you pple.. and stay nice.. dun be like them.. hahahahhaha

Heaven knows is a really beautiful song from rick price.. It’s a rather old song but I can really relate to this song.. every word seems so true.. so here people.. i hope you appreciate the lyrics as much as i do..and deep inside… i wish a person can tell me the same…. i’ll be totally swept off my feet.. *swoons* lol…

She’s always on my mind

From the time I wake up till

I close my eyes

She’s everywhere I go

She’s all I know

And though she’s far away

It just keeps getting stronger

everyday

And even now she’s gone

I’m still holding on

So tell me where do I start

Cause it’s breaking my heart

Don’t wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday

Only heaven knows

And maybe our hearts will find a way

Only heaven knows

And all I can do is hope and pray

’cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin’ me

That if you really love her

You’ve gotta set her free

And if she returns in kind

 I know she’s mine

So tell me where do I start

Cause it’s breaking my heart

Don’t wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday

Only heaven knows

And maybe our hearts will find a way

Only heaven knows

And all I can do is hope and pray

’cause heaven knows

Why I live in despair

‘Cause wide awake or dreaming

I know she’s never there

And all this time I act so brave

I’m shaking inside

Why does it hurt me so

Maybe my love will come back someday

Only heaven knows

And maybe our hearts will find a way

Only heaven knows

And all I can do is hope and pray

’cause heaven knows

Maybe my love will come back someday

Only heaven knows

And maybe our hearts will find a way

Only heaven knows

And all I can do is hope and pray

’cause heaven knows

Heaven knows…..2x

here’s a rather heartfelt story that i want to share.

    After more than two years of geographical separation..he gave up hope and faith… he wanted to take the easy way out by ending it all… he believed that it was the best way to end the pain. he didn’t want to hurt her and he felt great sorrow…he told her about his thoughts on the phone…

    The moment she heard it, she couldn’t speak. Tears rolled down her eyes and her heart sank. She didn’t want to hear no more. Hoping she could run away, hoping it was just an illusion. But she knew she couldn’t, she had to face the fact, she had to face him……

    He told her bout his thoughts and his uncertainty about a future that he didn’t believe. He wanted to let it go…He wanted to end it all. She then gave him two choices, one to continue and one to end it all. She was very desperate for the answer. Deep inside her, she didn’t give him a choice at all. She wanted to hear only one answer. A solid answer about how much he would want to walk with her down the road of life.

    He was forced to make the choice and for a moment, he told her, it was over. She cried all night. The more she thought ,the more it evoked her sweet memories. She looked at the walls he painted for her. She looked at the photo frame she promised to fill with the picture of them, she looked at the mirror that he set up for her. When it rained heavily that night, she remembered her 24-hour train ride with him and how sweet was the moments she had with him during their "honeymoon". She remembered the time she helped him wash his hair, she remembered the time she slept next to him, having his arms wrapped tightly around her.

    She couldn’t take it, she didn’t believe that that was the end. She came to various conclusions of what went wrong. She didn’t believe it was the distance as she never felt that it was a problem for both of them. She knew it was a barrier but to her, just to hear the sound of his voice, just a simple text message, it was sufficient to get her through the day.

    Her friends told her that he must be cheating and she believed because she couldn’t understand what could be wrong. So she pondered. That morning, she couldn’t eat, she stared at her wrist, she saw the bracelet with their names engraved on it. She cried. Her mom was worried and she told her what went wrong. Her mom then consoled her and packed her lunch for her. The moment she stepped out at the front door, she remembered the times she was playing pranks on him, throwing one shoe out to the corridor while he was wearing the other. Her heart broke even more. When she was driving, she couldn’t bear listening to the radio, she’s didn’t want to listen to songs that could have affected her.

    She was supposed to meet a friend and before her friend reached the destination. She started crying in the car, she couldn’t catch her breath, she was dissatisfied, she didn’t know why her relationship ended that way.

    When her friend reached, she tried to disguise the fact that she was sad but she failed badly, she revealed her feelings and she told him how much she didn’t want it to end. Later through the day, she was purging, there was nothing she could eat. She then realized one fact, she wasn’t sad because it had to end but she was sad because she didn’t know why it had to end. She wanted a very vivid answer, one that would allow him to be banished from her heart forever. That’s the only way she could let it go if her relationship ended. She needed closure.

    He agreed to tell her everything that evening. She rushed home and she waited. Her heart beats quickened and she was ready for the waves to hit her. He told her there was nobody else but he was afraid of the future and he couldn’t see them together as the path ahead was very dim and he didn’t know what he wanted. He couldn’t bear to see her suffer no more. She never gave him the chance to speak no more, she poured out her feelings. She told him, the only thing to be ashamed of is to not appreciate every moment she has with her loved one, geographically or time separation does not matter as she believed in the future with him in it. In her heart, she knew, if she must, she will give up many things in her life to trade for the salvation of this relationship. It does not matter whether he insist to focus on his own path, she is ready to divert her paths to accommodate the person she cherishes.

    He finally saw it all and he wants to give it another shot, although his uncertainty peaked, he believed in one thing. His love for her. From then on, they’re ready to face the challenges of space and time again. No matter what the outcome, she believes that she would not regret the path she chose for the one she loves most. She’s ready to walk down the road of life with him….She knows, if they get through such obstacles, there’s nothing in life that they cannot face together. She’s ready to pour her life  into it  and she dreams of  an everlasting love, one that has the strength to battle all challenges.

things aren’t going right if the following happens:

1. Nothing much to talk about… can’t find topics… everything seems contradicting… cannot agree on anything..

2. No more trust .. he thinks ur cheating.. and u think the same..

3. Arguments after arguments….

4. One thinks he is more superior than the other..

5. You spend time tryin to REVIVE things..

if all points to YES… then… u gotta do some thinkin… 

wow.. i think i update my blog once a sem.. lol… well i finished my 1st sem for my degree…
things have been going a bit hay-wired… trust me on that one..
the worst examination i have been through .. BY FAR…

1st: my assignment got rejected due to SOME reason… not that is bad.. but.. it wasn’t appealing to the lecturer. :S ..and thus.. when some pple started studyin… i wuz rushing my amazingly crazy political science assignment..

2nd: few days before study break… my phone and purse got stolen.. some MONKEY slit my bag… with a knife… THEN .. took my precious possessions… :S.. so.. go figure how i felt… it wuz so freakin frustrating… i wuz walkin around without any identification documents.. carryin an A4 paper… (my police report).. and i lost my student ID.. my exam is coming and i dun have a F***ing student id to identify myself.. that’s not the worst.. i just had an interview to join the orientation committee and i gave them my phone number…so they can contact me when they think i’m ok for the job.. :S.. that’s for my testimonial to shine (cuz my secondary school’s testimonial sucks big time.. and i wanna apply for my scholarship for masters after my bachelor…).. cud u imagine what they will think when they can’t even reach me on the 1st day? man.. that wuz so freakin disturbin.. ( i hope the monkey who stole my stuff falls in the drain).. so that night and a few days later.. i PRETENDED i wuz ok.. but honestly.. it wuz terrible..

3rd: during study break.. mom told me that her blood test came out with some weird results.. so.. it cud b due to liver cancer.. says the doctor… DO U KNOW HOW BAD THAT WUZ… newsflash: my dad passed away since form 1… and NOW.. IF .. i mean IF she’s gone too.. i might as well jus b gone too.. :S.. cuz.. i dun have the capability to support myself just yet.. cuz i’m still studyin… and 2… i can’t live being an orphan  just yet… i admit.. i’m a bit emotionally weak.. i dun think i can stand the fact that both my parents are gone b4 i’m 20.. so.. yea.. it wuz TERRIBLE… but .. thank god..the results came back as potential liver hardenin.. and not cancer.. not the best news .. but it’s the better news compared to cancer..

4th: one day or two before exams.. family reunion.. guess what they all said… "steph.. u’ve got 4 flat for 2 sems straight… so this sem.. no prob for u right??".. omg… do u know what kind of pressure that wuz… that’s when i realised somethin.. my biggest fear is NOT to lose my scholarship.. but it’s to fail the pple who put so much hope in me… i can’t live with the fact that i can’t keep up with the expectations..

so.. yea… so much has happened.. and… i dunno how i did for this exams.. i have a feeling that it didn’t go so well.. but.. we’ll see… we’ll see bout the results.. sigh… btw.. pple.. i’m workin for www.88DB.com.my.. in kl.. part time.. so.. sorry pple .. not that free these days… so.. dun b annoyed if i dun reply some of ur messages.. i might be dead in the office or just dyin at home..tryin to replenish my energy.. yea.. that’s it so far.. after blabberin.. i feel better.. hahha.. so i’m done here for now..

    OH MY GOSH… It’s my fourth week in my DEGREE course already…. Time is really getting ahead of me… Apparently, I THINK i changed for the better? For starters, I actually LISTEN to the lecturers unlike the past… I yak when the lecturer yaks…BUT… the change didn’t come cause i suddenly turned angelic or something…  let me tell you something.. UTAR has this sneaky way in getting to students and  scare the living hell out of them…  The walls of the faculty office are ADORNED with listSSSSS of people who failed their subjectSSSSS…. OMG… Freaky… Didn’t work so hard for foundation to screw up my scholarship for the 1st semester man… TOTALLY DYING….LITERALLY… (if you don’t believe me, go ask my friendS bout my stress test scores.. lol)

    But putting that aside, I’m really adjusting to the environment… the 45-minute LRT journey, the LARGER campus and the PEOPLE…. oh… before i forget.. here’s some tips for potential commuters like myself… 1st: get in from the kelana jaya station if you want to reach your destination in time… 2nd: get ready to turn yourself into canned tuna 3rd: it will get gradually more and more crowded from kelana jaya to KLCC and once you reach KLCC, you get to flap your hands around and you won’t hit anybody… YEA!!! 4th: From wangsa maju, it will get more and more crowded until you reach KL sentral… from then on.. you get to place your butt on the CHAIRS…trust me… the same pattern goes everyday… this is ya very own stephatheory…

    Hmmm.. where wuz I… yea.. the campus… until today.. i still get lost and I still can’t figure out the architecture of my lecture halls… I don’t know where to find the back doors and why I will only reach certain floors with the stairs and manage to reach all the floors with the ramp.. I know it sounds super retarded but.. haha… i can’t visualise 3 d images well and i’m A BIT blur… so since.. i follow my pals around to get to lecture halls… i think i don’t utilise much of my brain cells to interpret where my lecture halls are… As long as i get to the front door.. i’m good.. lol

    Lastly.. most pple i meet in my class are my seniors…MUAHAHAHHAA….. older pple… lol… well..but that just make them SMARTER pple… form sixes man… STPM is like super hard and that’s why I ran to the EASIER alternative, foundation.. now i meet pple who actually LEARNED… LOL.. i practically forgot whatever nonsense i read during my foundation… so bless me in keeping up with the rest of the pple… SIGH…  not forgettin i have a cgpa to maintain to keep the money flowin… ARGHHHHHHHH… dun care… i’m going to take a break… i’m going to watch nip/tuck …MUAHAHAHA